


Drowning in Blue

by Mollz



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, abandoned work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-12 03:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mollz/pseuds/Mollz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day they've always feared comes: one of their own dies in the middle of a battle. Tony Stark's body is cold, his arc reactor is dark. How do they go on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steve and Tony

Tony Stark’s last moments were full of fear and pain.

Steve sat in the living room, his head in his hands, playing Tony’s last words over and over in his head. He had heard it over the com. They all had.

“Oh god oh please oh god.” The sobs. The fear. The fear that none of them had ever heard from Tony before, not ever, no matter how bad things got.

“Captain. Anyone. Please. Banner? Captain? Barton? Please god, please, someone. Please.” And they had tried responding, they had, but he couldn’t hear them. It was a one way call.

And then the fear was gone, and what came after it was worse, a robotic list of what was going on. “I can’t feel my legs. I think my legs are gone. I think my spine is broken. It hurts. Everything hurts. JARVIS is dying and my reactor is going dim and I’m having trouble breathing. Please. The building, it’s not…it’s going to collapse again.” That tiny tremor in his voice. Like a child. “I’m going to die. Steve. Steve, answer me, please god, oh god Steve answer me answer me right now oh god oh lord oh god.” And there was the terror again.

Steve had shouted into the com, into the rubble, shouted to the ground and the sky and god himself, and Tony had not heard him. Tony was alone.

“Steve. Bruce. Natasha. Clint. Thor. Steve. Bruce. Natasha. Clint. Thor. SteveBruceNatashaClintThor.” Their names, like a mantra. Like a prayer.

“Oh god, I’m gonna die.” A choked whisper, finally, when the names had slurred together into nonsense. “I wanted to say something cool before I died. Captain, can you hear me? Tell them my last words were, ‘I am Tony Stark, and I think I won at life.’ Tell them that. Don’t tell them I cried. Tell the team I love them, Captain. All of them. Tell JARVIS I love him. Tell my robots. Tell Pepper. I love you all and I’m going to die.”

There was a sickening crack, and Steve could only watch as the rubble shuddered and shifted, slid ever downwards, and finally stopped.

The com was completely silent.

When they finally managed to pull Tony Stark from the rubble an hour later, his body was cold, his eyes unseeing. His corpse was mangled almost to shreds. The light in his chest was dark.

Steve sat in the living room, his head in his hands, playing Tony’s last words over and over in his head. Bruce sat to the left of him, Clint to the right. Natasha was sitting with Pepper, speaking quietly. Thor was at the window, staring out into the stormy night sky.

Steve was completely alone.

*

There were two funerals.

The first was the funeral the public attended. It was filled with business associates, and covered by the press, and the only people there who had actually known him were Pepper and Happy and Steve. The rest of the team had refused.

And Steve stood up in front of the world to deliver a speech, and his voice shook, and he felt so lost.

“Tony Stark was a good man.” He said. “He was a good friend. He was a genius, a billionaire, a philanthropist, a playboy, and an Avenger, and so much more. He sacrificed his safety and his life for us a thousand times, and every single one of us would have done the same.”

He swallowed, and looked down at his feet. He managed a wavering smile.

“I heard his last words. His last words,” Steve said, looking the nearest camera straight in the eye, “were, ‘I am Tony Stark, and I think I won at life.’”

*

The Avengers and Pepper and Happy, the people who had known him, had their own funeral. The second funeral. The real funeral.

It was held, according to Tony’s wishes in his will, inside of Tony’s lab. No one dared touch anything. It would be tantamount to spitting on Tony’s grave. AC/DC played at the very lowest volume in the background. JARVIS had deemed it fitting.

“He was an inconsiderate bastard.” Pepper said softly. “And the sweetest man alive.”

“He looked past…things.” Bruce said. “Everything. He thought the best of people. He loved people so easily.”

“Even when they broke his heart.” Pepper murmured. Happy put a hand on her shoulder.

“He was one of the best men I’ve ever known.” Steve said.

They all looked down at their feet in silence.

"Exuse me." JARVIS said, quietly. "Sir...had a video prepared for this occasion. Would you like to..."

"Yes." Bruce said sharply. "Yes, play it, JARVIS."

The biggest screen flickered to life, displaying Tony's smiling face. He was holding a glass of whiskey.

"Hey, guys." He said to the camera. 


	2. Tony and the Team

Pepper started crying again. Bruce took a deep breath. They were all staring at the screen.

"I'm, uh, sorry." Tony said. "I mean, I rigged it so this would play if I went and died, so I'm sorry I died. Or, if I'm not dead, sorry I fucked up. Yeah."

He knocked back the whiskey, giving time for Steve to wonder at the man who was apologising for  _dying_.

"I can't do this sober." He admitted. "I don't like to think about...a world without me in it." He grimaced. "Okay, that was self-centered as fuck. Let me try again. I don't like to think about the worst case scenario any more than it takes to avoid it. Yeah, better. But I've got some last words for you all that I didn't want in the official will."

He poured out more whiskey, and raised it as though making a toast.

"Pepper, I'm glad you and Happy are together." He said. "Really. You two are a wonderful couple. Us, we were shit, and we both know it. We never fit together. But you two fit together. I want you to be happy."

Pepper turned away, crying into Happy's shoulder. He pulled her close, looking lost. 

"Bruce, I don't...no." He turned away from the camera, rubbing his face. "I can't. Last. I'll do you last."

He took a deep breath, and turned a forced smile toward the camera. 

"Steve, thanks for everything. Really. Everything you did for the team, everything you did for me. You brought us all together. When we met, I was expecting the stick-up-the-ass soldier my dad never shut up about. You proved me wrong. I'm better for having known you."

"Thanks." Steve said out loud, feeling close to tears himself. He had never heard Tony talk like that before. 

"This is gonna sound weird, but I need you to listen. Take care of JARVIS. Please. After this became the Avengers Tower, I started changing him so he wasn't so focussed around me, but he's still gonna have a hard time of it. He's...he's my baby. And don't say he's not real, because he is. He really is."

Steve was surprised, but he just nodded. Anything he could do for Tony; anything that would make the guilt stop pooling in his stomach. Keep a robot voice company? Yeah, he could do that. 

Tony sipped his drink slowly, considering the camera. He seemed to be debating who to talk to next.

"Clint, Natasha," He said, making his choice, "I never got to know you as well as I know everybody else, but I know you're good people. I trust you both with my life in every battle. But if I died in one, it's not your fault. That goes for all of you. I don't care how it happened, I don't care if you could have saved me, or you were seconds away, or if you had just done that one thing instead of the other thing. It is not your fault that I died. Unless you killed me on purpose, in which case, what the fuck, guys?"

He chuckled.

Clint and Natasha, Steve realized, were holding hands, staring at the screen as though it was their god and savior. 

"Thor, not much to say, I admire your courage and strength, you're a good man, and a worthy opponent. I'll see you in whatever afterlife you believe in."

Thor bowed his head. "I shall see you in Valhalla, Man of Iron." He declared. His voice was only speaking volume, which was quiet for him.

"Right, that leaves Bruce." Tony said. He drank the last of his whiskey, then poured himself another glass and drank that. 

"Just say it, Tony." Bruce snapped at the screen. Steve looked around at him. He was agitated, twitchy. He was rubbing his arm, nervously.

"Tony!" They all flinched. There was a voice, off camera, but still from the screen. Bruce's voice.

"Yeah, just a second, Bruce!" Tony called back. "I've almost finished."

"Well, get up here before Thor steals all the popcorn."

Tony smiled and shook his head, turning back to the screen.

"Bruce." Tony said. "I don't say it enough. I'm sorry about that. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. If we had any fight before I died, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you didn't save me. It doesn't even matter if you killed me, or if you think you did. I know how you get about blaming yourself. But it's not your fucking fault, and I love you."

Bruce bolted for the door, but just as he got there, Tony's voice said, "Wait."

" _What?_ " Bruce shouted, his whole body trembling.

"I know you want to run." Tony said. "But don't. Please, Bruce. For me. Don't leave the tower. You can set up a tent on the roof, hell, Clint can teach you how to live in the air ducts. But don't start running again. They care about you, Bruce. Everybody here does. And I care about you. I don't want you to go and get yourself caught, or killed. I have nightmares about that. Just stay."

Bruce shook his head and left. Clint went after him.

"That's about it." Tony said. "I...I want to believe you guys will keep using the tower after I'm gone, but I guess I can't blame you if you leave. You guys are the best. Thanks for everything."

He gave a little salute, and reached for the camera. The screen turned itself off.

*

They each had their sanctuaries.

For Clint and Natasha, it was the training hall. Clint shot arrows until his fingers bled, Natasha threw herself into the punching bags. Every so often, they would spar with each other. Neither of them spoke. 

For Thor, it was the kitchen. He spent a lot of time eating, with Jane at his side to comfort him. He talked a lot. Any time someone went into the kitchen, he would inquire after their health, and the weather, and anything else he could think of.

Steve sat in Tony's workshop. It felt almost sacreligious, but it was a calm place. Nobody else ever went down there, so he could be alone. He spoke with JARVIS. JARVIS told him stories about Tony, sometimes showed him footage. JARVIS seemed sad. Steve remembered what Tony had said, _he's my baby, he's real,_ and tried to comfort him. JARVIS thanked him for the effort, but kindly asked that he refrain from doing it again.

It was a week after the funeral when Steve realized that he hadn't seen Bruce since that day.

He went to the kitchen, first, to ask Thor. Thor didn't know, but kept up the conversation for a good half hour before Steve could gracefully end it. He went to the gym, next.

"He's on the roof." Clint told him, never looking away from his target.

So Steve went to the roof.


	3. Steve and Bruce

As it turned out, Bruce was not on the roof when Steve went up there.

Hulk was.

Steve flashed back, for a moment, to the crusade to get the Hulk accepted. It had been spearheaded by Tony, of course. 

_"He's a child, not a monster. He doesn't smash because he's in a blind rage. He smashes because it makes him happy. He smashes things and grins. It's not 'he can be controlled'. He doesn't have to be controlled. He's learned that when he smashes certain things, people will be nicer to him. He knows hurting any of us would be bad. He knows hurting aliens makes Steve smile at him. He's learning. And the more he comes out, the more he learns. He's a person, and not even a bad person. I like him. That's not to say I like him more than Bruce, because god damn, I really fucking like Bruce. But I do like him."_

That speech had been a hit on youtube for three weeks. Clint had showed him a remix once, that cut in clips of the Hulk with the words "I like him. I l-l-like him. I really fucking like...I like him. He smashes things and grins, grins. Smashes things and grins."

They had all laughed at that. Even Bruce.

Steve sat down next to Hulk. 

"How are you doing?" Steve asked.

Hulk huffed out a lot of air. It took Steve a second to realize it was a sigh.

"I miss Tony. The skyman." Hulk said sadly.

"I know, buddy." Steve said, patting his arm. "We all do."

"He was blue on the inside." Hulk said, poking his own chest. "He tried to be red and yellow and shiny, but he was blue on the inside. Like sky."

He pointed at the sky, then let himself fall backwards with a loud thump so that he was lying down, staring up at the clouds.

"Yeah." Steve said. "You know what, he pretended to be a lot of things he wasn't. He made me think he was a self-centered snob, and then saved the world and took us all in. He tried to hide that he was a good person. But he really was."

"Tony was good." Hulk agreed.

Steve laid back and stared at the sky with him. It really was a very similar color to Tony's reactor. It made him think.

"How's Bruce doing?" He asked, when he'd worked up the nerve.

"Banner is hiding." Hulk said, sad again. "Banner does not want to come out."

"Can you tell him I want to talk to him?"

"I will tell him." Hulk said. "He will not listen."

Steve just nodded and waited.

Hulk shook his head. "He is stupid." He said. "He will not come out."

"He's not stupid." Steve said. "He's just upset. We're all upset. Just...make sure he's okay, will you please?"

Hulk nodded. "I made him say no more mouth guns."

"Mouth-" Steve began, and then it hit him and he shut up.

"Oh." He said. "Wow. Um, good. Thanks. Make sure he's eating, too, okay? Don't let him starve to death."

"Yes." Hulk said. "I will do this."

"Thank you." Steve said. He got up, and fled back to the workshop. Just talking to so many people had made him feel tired.

*

It was two weeks after the funeral when Bruce finally returned.

Steve looked up from his sketch (he was drawing Jarvis as a person, just as a way to pass the time) at the knock on the door. He saw Bruce, standing sheepishly outside, and went to open it up.

"You want in?" Steve asked, gesturing at the lab.

"I...no." Bruce said, taking a step back. "Not yet. I'm sorry. It's just too much him..."

"It's fine." Steve said. "You want to talk?"

Bruce stared at the ground, but gave a little nod.

"Living room okay?" Steve asked.

"Yeah." Bruce said. "Yeah, the living room is great."

The living room was, as expected, totally empty. They both sat down on the couch, facing each other. Steve waited for Bruce to speak, but it soon became apparent that the other man was lost for words, so he began instead.

“I’ve been blaming myself.” He said, quietly. “I know he said I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I feel like...if I had just noticed the cracks in the building...if I had ordered him to fly higher...if I had told him to go another way, any other way. I’m the leader, I’m in charge of keeping you all safe. And I failed.”

“I wasn’t there for him.” Bruce said, clenching his fists. “At least you were there, you got to listen, to dig through the rubble. I was too far gone. I wasn’t there when it happened, I wasn’t there for his final moments. I just woke up, and his body, was...” He shuddered and rubbed at his eyes. His voice was shaking. “His body...”

“I couldn’t move.” Steve said softly. “I couldn’t do anything, there was nothing I could do. I just felt helpless and trapped, and paralyzed. I just stared at his fucking body and there was _nothing I could do_.”

“It hurts.” Bruce said, almost a whimper.

“I know.” Steve said. He moved over to hug him, tightly. Bruce returned it just as hard, and began to cry into his shoulder. Steve’s eyes watered, but he stayed strong and fought it. He’d done enough crying.

When they parted, Steve looked Bruce up and down.

“When’s the last time you ate?” Steve asked him gently.

Bruce shrugged uncomfortably.

“Come on.” Steve said, taking his hand and dragging him upright. “Kitchen. I lost a lot of men in the war, and the only things that took my mind off it were fighting and comfort eating. We can go join Clint and Natasha if you want, but first I need to know you’re not going to fall over.”

Bruce actually seemed kind of relieved that he was being ordered around. He followed Steve without arguing. Steve had a sneaking suspicion that Bruce needed something to do. Too much freedom drove anyone mad. You couldn’t just sit with your thoughts forever.


	4. Steve and Clint

Steve had expected the living room to be empty, but finding the kitchen empty came as a surprise. Thor had been staking it out so long Steve had taken it for granted.

“Anything you want?” Steve asked.

“Just a sandwich.” Bruce said.

Steve shrugged and made them both sandwiches. Bruce took his without really seeing it, and bit into it half-heartedly. He chewed slowly. His eyes were glazing over.

Steve knew that Bruce was pulling back into himself, but didn’t know how to stop it. He just stared at the table and ate his own sandwich, glancing up at the other man ever few minutes.

Thor’s return was loud, for more than just the obvious reason.

“I’m fine!” Natasha screamed, frustrated, still pounding Thor on the back. He had her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and it was taking both him and Clint to drag her into the kitchen.

“For god’s sake, Nat!” Clint shouted. “You’re not training with a broken arm!”

“I’ll just focus on the other side.” She snarled.

Thor and Clint dumped her unceremoniously on the kitchen table.

“Oh, great, Bruce.” Clint said, catching his wind as Thor placed his hammer Natasha’s chest to keep her from running away. “Have you got medical stuff? I do not have enough in me to get her to a hospital.”

“Yeah.” Bruce said. “Hang on, let me go grab it, it’s in the lab.”

He stood up, and then froze.

_In the lab._

“I’ll get it.” Steve said quickly, before Bruce could get too far into that line of thought. “What’s it look like?”

“There should be a first aid kit under the counter nearest the door.” Bruce said, relief in his face. “That should be enough.”

“I’m on it.” Steve vowed, and jogged to go get it. It was right where Bruce had claimed. He brought it back to the kitchen. Natasha had given up fighting, but was just glaring at everyone in turn.

“I’m fine.” She insisted. “I can wrap my own wounds.”

“And then go back to fighting, and break something else?” Clint asked. Steve passed the first aid kit to Bruce, who took Natasha’s arm and started inspecting it.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” She demanded.

That was the million dollar question. None of them had an answer. All of the things they’d done together, all the board games, nerf gun fights, team dinners, had been organized by Tony. They were all lost, now. And it was only hurting them.

This was the first time in weeks the whole team had even been in the same room.

“Movie nights.” Steve said, as he made up his mind. He knew what had to be done. It might hurt them, but it would help them all in the long run.

“What?” Clint asked.

“Movie nights. Every night from now on.” Steve said. “Mandatory attendance. All of you have to come.”

“What if I don’t want to-“ Natasha snapped.

“Mandatory attendance, Romanov.” Steve said loudly. “JARVIS can and will let me lock the gym.”

She looked affronted.

“Steve, man.” Clint said. “You can’t just force us to-“

“Shut up.” Steve said.

They all stared at him.

“What?” He asked, angry. He was at the end of his rope. “What, old-fashioned Steve Rogers can’t tell people to shut up? I am _upset._ Bruce isn’t eating, Natasha just broke her arm, and JARVIS tells me Clint’s been sleeping in the _air ducts_ with his _bow_. We’re all out of sorts, I’m allowed to be upset. And all of you are going to go to the living room at 9:00 sharp tonight, and we are going to watch a god damn movie, because I need my _team_. And my _team_ hasn’t been together since the funeral.”

He stared directly at Clint, daring anyone to challenge him.

“The good Captain is right.” Thor said. “We should not be so divided. Though we mourn for our lost comrade, we must not lose sight of our living companions.”

“I get to pick the movie.” Clint said.

“Fine.” Steve said.

“Okay.” Bruce said.

“Whatever.” Natasha said, dropping her head back on the table. Bruce was still bandaging her arm.

Steve knew that that was as good as he was going to get from them. He nodded, and made to leave the room, but Clint grabbed his arm.

“Can we talk?” He muttered.

“Okay.” Steve said. He led the way to the living room.

“This is, um, this is gonna sound weird.” Clint said, nervously. “I just, I think I need to yell at someone.”

“You want to yell at someone, or have a fight with them?” Steve asked.

“I don’t want to, like, punch anyone.” Clint said. “Just have a screaming match. I need to get this out.”

“You want my help?” Steve asked, because he was already preparing for it in his head. This was something he could do.

“Yeah.” Clint said. “I mean, you don’t have to-“

“Shut up.” Steve said.

Clint took a deep breath, and then his eyes narrowed. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“I said, shut up.” Steve said, louder. “If I want you to talk, I will ask you to talk, soldier.”

He could actually see Clint bristle at that. “ _Soldier?_ ” Clint asked. “I am not your god damn _soldier_.”

“Aren’t you?” Steve asked him. “You fight under me. I can order you to do whatever I want, and that is your duty.”

“With all due respect, _sir,_ if you try to order me around you’re going to end up with an arrow through your head.”

“Are you trying to test me, Barton?” Steve snapped. “You think I can’t find five more men with aim like yours in SHIELD?”

“Fucking _nobody_ has aim like mine-“

“Not with outdated, useless weapons like a bow and arrow, sure, but there are plenty of people who can use actual _guns_ -“

“It’s not useless, have you ever seen me fighting on the field-“

“Just because you got the higher-ups to bankroll improving a weapon that _only you_ will ever use-“

“Explosive charges, sonic booms, grappling arrows, you can’t do that with a gun-“

“If they had put half the money into trying, maybe they could have, but then you wouldn’t be so special, would you?”

“Go to hell, I would love for Natasha to have the same equipment-“

“I am your commanding officer, you will stand down-“

“If you’re so fucking great, why is Tony dead?” Clint shouted.

That’s when the indulgent screaming match became an actual screaming match.

“At least I actually knew him, I have the right to grieve!” Steve shouted back. “You weren’t fucking friends with him, what excuse do you have to act so upset?”

“ _It’s my motherfucking fault he’s dead!_ ” Clint screamed. “I saw that the building was shifty and I didn’t call it out, I let him fly right into it! I was two buildings away from where it happened, I saw _everything-_ “

“But it wasn’t you he was calling for, it was me, and I can still fucking hear him crying in my ear and saying _Steve answer me answer me right now_.”

Clint just let loose an angry, unintelligible growl.

They both just stood there, shaking, breathing too fast and glaring at each other.

“Thanks.” Clint said finally.

“Anytime.” Steve said.

And they parted ways until it was time for the movie. 


	5. Steve and Thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *[The Bechdel Test](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/UsefulNotes/TheBechdelTest?from=Main.TheBechdelTest)

“Brave?” Bruce asked, raising his eyebrows. “Isn’t this a kid’s movie?”

“It’s not just for kids!” Clint defended. “And anyway, it’s got a strong female role model. I thought Natasha might like it.”

“There’s archery in it, isn’t there?” Natasha asked, sighing.

“Just so much archery.” Clint said. “All over the place.”

“Great.” She said. “Just put it in.”

He put it in and sat down between her and Bruce. Steve sat in the armchair, and Thor sat on the floor with a big bucket of popcorn.

None of them spoke, but Steve watched as the others gradually let themselves be absorbed by the movie. It was easy, almost too easy, to just fit into the group. The Tony-shaped hole still hurt, but sharing it made it bearable.

It was a good movie. Steve was surprised at the ending. All the movie’s he’d seen had ended with romance. This one seemed more respectful.

When the credits rolled, they all shifted around, coming back out of the movie.

“Well?” Clint asked Natasha.

She shrugged. “Not bad.” She said, approvingly.

“I approve of the king.” Thor said loudly. “He is jolly and strong.”

Steve glanced at the popcorn bucket. It was barren. Not surprising.

“It passed the Bechdel Test.” Bruce said, offhand. When they all looked at him, he blinked. “Do you guys not know the Bechdel Test?” He asked.

“Never heard of it.” Steve said.

“It sounds familiar.” Natasha said, doubtfully.

So Bruce jumped into an explanation of the Bechdel Test, and somehow they ended up watching clips of Transformers on YouTube and arguing semantics and JARVIS butted in with a graph at one point, and they were laughing. It was normal. It was just _normal._

“Well if we’re using that rule, _my life_ doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test!” Natasha said, crossing her arms.

“Neither does mine.” Steve admitted. “The only gals I know are Natasha and Pepper-“

Natasha threw a pillow at him, and Clint spluttered, “ _gals?_ ”

“Sorry.” He said, putting his hands up to deflect the barrage of pillows. He smiled as he got an idea, and began to throw them back. The sides were drawn, with Clint and Natasha against Steve, Bruce and Thor.

“Come over to the dark side, Clint!” Bruce deadpanned in a deep voice. “We have cookies.”

Clint shook his head, chucking pillows with impeccable accuracy. “It’ll take more than that, Banner.”

“Don’t you dare turn traitor on me.” Natasha said, hiding behind the makeshift fort she’d made with blankets and the couch.

“I’ll tell you about the time I spiked Fury’s coffee.” Bruce said.

Clint gaped at him, narrowly avoiding a pillow.

“Clint...” Natasha said, in a warning voice.

“Girls against boys!” Clint cried, jumping the barrier to join the other team.

“God damn it!” Natasha shouted. They quickly overtook her. She tried to curse them out, but she was shaking with laughter. “Not fair!” She managed. “I’m a cripple, and it was four against one.”

“And yet I still feel like she let us win.” Steve admitted.

She grinned. “Maybe.” She said.

And then her grin faded. She stood up, and turned to leave.

“I’m going to bed.” She said, softly.

The mood in the room dropped. Seeing Natasha upset made them all remember what they’d managed to forget.

Despite himself, Steve felt guilty for being happy. He shouldn’t be laughing so soon after one of his closest friends had died.

“I guess...I should go to bed, too.” Bruce said. His face was stone, expressionless. It would have hurt Steve less to see him actively crying.

“Yeah.” Clint said. “It’s late.”

They all wandered off, leaving only Steve and Thor. They exchanged a sad look.

“Someday, I will show you the halls of my people.” Thor said. “You will be rightly revered as a hero.”

“I’m really not that great.” Steve said, sighing. “You should have seen me when I was a kid. I was tiny, I couldn’t even breathe right...it’s all science that made this happen.”

“I speak not merely of your physical prowess, as impressive as it is.” Thor said. “You are a good man, and a worthy leader. I happily lend you my life and skills on the field of battle, and I trust them in your hands. And I believe that if our band of friends is to be helped, it will be you who helps them.”

Steve found his eyes watering. That was the most sincere compliment he’d ever been paid. “Wow.” He said. “Um, thanks. Thank you, Thor.”

Thor nodded, solemnly.

“When I return to my realm,” he continued, in a more quiet voice, “I will speak of the friends I made here. And stories and songs shall be written of the noble Tony, who gave his life for us in battle. That is the way to keep a memory alive. The best of a person is remembered, not the last of them. This is what my people believe.”

“What are you saying?” Steve asked.

Thor shrugged, and turned to gaze out the window. “It is good to remember lost friends.” He said. “But it is poisonous to dwell on the losing of them. Life is for the living. That is my advice, Captain. Take it as you may.”

It was strange, to take advice from a man who acted so silly sometimes. Thor had always reminded Steve of an excitable puppy, but now, Steve could see a grown man in him. A man really worthy of being important.

“You’ll make a good King, you know that?” Steve said, patting him on the arm.

Thor smiled. “Thank you, Captain.”

They both went to bed.


	6. Pepper and Jarvis

Pepper Potts was not a fragile woman, but neither was she stupid. She knew from the moment of the funeral that Tony’s death would be haunting her for a while, and had taken the liberty of setting up a therapist for bi-weekly appointments. Doctor Lyndis helped her work through her anger and grief, and by the end of the first month they switched over to weekly sessions, and Pepper found it in herself to return to the tower.

“Steve!” She said, hugging him close. “How are you?”

“Oh, you know.” The super-soldier said, smiling sadly. “Getting better.”

She lowered her voice. “How’s Bruce?” She asked.

“He’s eating.” Steve said. “He sleeps every few days. We’ve roped him into movie nights. That’s really the best I could hope for, under the circumstances.”

“Good. That’s good. You take good care of them, Steve.”

He blushed. “Thank you, Miss Potts.”

She smacked him on the arm. “That’s Pepper to you. None of this ‘Miss Potts’ rubbish. Honestly. You make me feel like an old woman.”

“Sorry, Pepper.”

She smiled at him and continued inside.

Her smile faded when she was out of sight of him, going down to the lab.

“Hello, Miss Potts.” Jarvis said, as she entered her access code. “It is good to see you again.”

“Hey, Jarvis.” She said, brushing her hair back. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Do you know where Tony’s files are?”

“Certainly, Miss Potts. On the table to the far left is a stack of papers. Whatever is not there is already in the computer systems.”

“Thanks.” She said. She went to the stack and started flipping through it, then realized it was easier just to take it all. She picked it up and began to walk away, and then Jarvis made a sound like a cough.

“Jarvis?” She asked, turning around to face the empty room.

“I’m sorry to put this on you, Miss Potts, but may I ask a rather large favor?”

“Of course. Anything. What is it?” She set the papers back down.

“Would you...use the suit?”

“The suit?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

“The Iron Man suit. There is a relatively new version of it in the lower labs, I’d like to make sure it...works properly. When Doctor Banner has recovered more fully, I planned to discuss its future with him.”

“Yeah.” She said. “Okay. Show me the way.”

Jarvis showed her, and soon she was hovering over the tower, staring around in wonder.

“This is brilliant, Jarvis.” She said softly. “No wonder he loved it.”

“Indeed.” Jarvis said. He walked her through a few basic maneuvers, and soon she was flying. She couldn’t contain an exuberant laugh. It was just as exhilarating as she’d always imagined.

“Miss Potts?” Jarvis asked, after about half an hour of radio silence.

“Yeah?” She asked, coming to a halt and hovering in mid-air.

“You’ve been very helpful. Would you...indulge me, one last favor?”

“Okay, Jarvis. What is it?”

“Please, ma’am...just for a moment, would you pretend to be Mister Stark?”

She took a deep breath, and asked, “Why?”

“Please, Miss Potts.” He sounded-he shouldn’t sound like that, he shouldn’t be pleading. He was a robot, for gods’ sake.

“Okay, Jarvis. Okay.”

“If you could please fly up to the nearest building, ma’am?”

She did so, turning so her back was to the skyscraper.

“Now argue with me.” Jarvis instructed her.

“About what?” Pepper asked. The whole situation felt surreal. She didn’t know where this was going.

“That building isn’t stable. I want you to move out of the way.”

She knew exactly where this was going. And now that she had caught on, she knew exactly what Tony would be saying.

“It’ll...” She took a deep breath, and tried again, steeling herself. “It’ll hold, Jarvis. There are more important things to deal with.”

“Sir, the building is about to collapse.” Jarvis said, and god help her but he sounded _urgent,_ and _frightened_.

Oh, god. He was re-living it, wasn’t he? And she was helping him. She was helping, because she was curious.

“It’ll hold.” She repeated, trying to find the strength not to choke up. “Sh-shut up, I need to shoot something.”

“SIR!” Jarvis’s usually firm tone was shaking, and loud. He sounded desperate to the point of fury. “I will not let you put yourself in unnecessary danger!”

Pepper felt her thrusters suddenly engage, throwing her back into the sky. When she was level with the rooftops, it stopped accelerating and let her hover.

“...Jarvis?” Pepper asked, very softly.

“Yes, Miss Potts?” He was back to normal, calm and composed.

“Are you okay?”

A pause. “I am functional, Miss Potts.”

“But are you okay?”

“No, Miss Potts. I believe I am not.”

“Okay.” Pepper said. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I appreciate the offer.” Jarvis said. “Please never mention it again.”

She almost forgot the papers on her way out of the tower.


	7. Bruce and JARVIS

Bruce sat in the hallway, legs crossed, staring through the window into the lab. He spent a lot of time here, just trying to work up the nerve. But as soon as he touched the door, he could hear Tony’s voice.

_“This is where the magic happens. This is where I do my real work. You’re welcome to it.”_

_“Oh, no, I couldn’t-“_

_“Bruce. Bruce, man, I insist. I want you to work with me. You’re a genius. And I trust you.”_

_“What if I break something?”_

_“I can replace anything. I can replace the tower, Bruce. Trust me. It’ll be fine. Let yourself relax, for once.”_

Bruce buried his face in his hands.

“Doctor Banner?” JARVIS asked, hesitantly.

He picked his head up and gave a weak smile. “Yeah, JARVIS? What is it?”

“You are needed in the lab.”

Bruce frowned and got to his feet, peering in the window. “There’s nobody in there, JARVIS. Who needs me?”

“No one requested you, sir. But you are needed in the lab.”

“What do you mean?” Bruce asked, stepping back and leaning against the wall. JARVIS was being strange.

“You are needed, Doctor Banner.” JARVIS said, insistently.

 “Do you...” Bruce began, then stopped, feeling silly.

“Yes, sir?” JARVIS asked politely.

“Do you need me, JARVIS?” Bruce asked, carefully.

There was a long beat of silence.

“You are needed in the lab.” JARVIS said finally.

“Are you unhappy, JARVIS?” Bruce asked.

“YES.” JARVIS said, and his voice was so loud that it rumbled, actually shaking Bruce with its power.

Bruce flinched, gazing up at the ceiling. JARVIS continued, more softly.

“I am unhappy. My father and sole purpose in life are gone.”

Bruce didn’t stop to think, he just shoved the door open and strode inside, letting it slam behind him.

_“Tony, this is beautiful.”_

_“You get it, don’t you?”_

_“Get what?”_

_“Why this place is so special. Not just the fancy machines.”_

_“This...it’s a sanctuary.”_

_“Yeah. Yeah, that’s the word. You’re the first one to get it. I knew you would be. This is a safe place. This is where I hide when I can’t deal with it. I want it to be that for you, too.”_

_“That’s a tall order.”_

_“I’m not worried. Let’s do some science, Doctor Banner. Let’s make some magic.”_

“Doctor Banner?”

He snapped out of it. “What, JARVIS?”

“There are tissues on the counter to your right.”

Tissues...oh, Jesus. He was crying.

“Thanks.” Bruce said hastily, grabbing a handful of tissues and wiping his face off.

He took a deep breath, focused his energy, and let it out.

“What should I do, JARVIS?” He asked.

“If you would not object...Mister Stark left a few unfinished projects that would greatly assist Mister Barton and Miss Romanov.”

“I can’t build things, you know that.” Bruce mumbled. “Tony...was the engineer. I did biology.”

“I can assist you, sir.” JARVIS said. “I would...appreciate it if you would try.”

“Okay.” Bruce said. He rolled up his sleeves. “Tell me what to do.”

It came on so softly that he didn’t notice it at first, but after an hour of hard work, learning the ins and outs of blueprints and screws and engines, Bruce looked up and realized that there was music playing. Back in Black, AC/DC.

“Shut that off.” Bruce said sharply, feeling his throat start to close as he realized what was happening.

“My apologies, sir.” JARVIS said.

“I’m not going to be him for you, JARVIS.” Bruce said angrily. Even the idea of trying to replace Tony was...just too wrong to think about.

“I never asked you to be.” JARVIS said.

“And you never will.” Bruce said. “I’m not him. He’s _gone_. He’s gone, okay? And nothing is ever going to bring him back, and it’s hard, and it hurts, but I _can’t be him for you_. I can never live up to that.”

JARVIS was silent.

“Do you understand?” Bruce demanded. “I mean it, JARVIS! I miss him. Jesus fucking Christ, I miss him so much. I wish he was here. I wish...” He rubbed at his eyes and grabbed blindly for the tissues. A small sob shook him. “I wish I could just see him again, but I can’t. And I’m not letting you replace him. He can’t be replaced.”

“Of course he can’t.” JARVIS said, softly. “I know that, sir. I had...a lapse of judgment. It will not happen again.”

“Yeah.” Bruce said. “Yeah.”

He sat down heavily into a chair and put his head in his hands, trying to erase Tony from his eyelids with his palms.

“I miss him too, sir.” JARVIS said, sadly.

“Of course you do.” Bruce said. “We all do. I’m sorry I snapped. I’m a fucking hypocrite, I’m not dealing with this too well either.”

“It is not the way of humans to deal gracefully with death, sir.” JARVIS said. “There is nothing wrong with that.”

“Thanks.” Bruce said. He took a deep breath, then turned back to the blueprint. “Where does this screw go?”


	8. Steve and Natasha

After the first movie night, the group didn’t get that happy again. They approached it, but no one ever let it get really cheerful. They were afraid of what would happen. Afraid it was still too soon, that the others would see them as heartless, or that it would be cruel to Tony’s memory to just go on without him.

It was a few weeks until Steve finally put a stop to it.

They had watched a Superman movie, and then Bruce and Jarvis had started arguing about which parts were and weren’t improbable, and that became a conversation about artificial intelligence, which is how they ended up watching I, Robot, and instead of just shutting up and watching the movie, now everyone was riffing on it. Clint spoke loudly about how he would have handled the situation, Thor was fascinated by the idea of a humanoid robot, and Natasha was scoffing at some of the plot points sarcastically, while Bruce and Steve tried hopelessly to get them to shut up. It was a lost cause.

And the movie ended, and then Natasha stood up. It was the sign, the nightly ritual; Natasha was the first to leave, and that meant it was time for everyone else to go to bed as well.

But Steve had had it with that.

“Hey, wait, Natasha.” He said loudly, standing up as well. “Can you stay for a minute? I actually had a question about something.”

Everyone watched, with baited breath.

Natasha slowly turned around.

“What is it, Steve?” She asked, cautiously.

“Well, you’re the sneakiest person on the team, right? I was wondering which movie portrayed spies the most accurately.”

They all waited for her to respond.

She sat back down, faintly smiling.

“Well...” She began.

*

After the third night he found an excuse to stop her leaving, she confronted him.

“What are you up to?” She asked, suspiciously.

“What do you mean?” He asked, not looking up from his newest JARVIS sketch.

“You keep trying to get me to socialize with the team. What’s up?”

“It’s not right without you.” He said. “As soon as you check out, everybody else does.”

“You guys hang out without me all the time.”

He looked up at her and sighed.

“Bruce has been building things.” He said.

She just stood there, silently, waiting for him to continue.

“He’s back in the lab, working off of Tony’s blueprints. I’m in there with him for most of the day, I draw and he builds. Sometimes Thor comes down and talks to us. But that’s just work, distraction. He’s only happy when the team’s together. Same for me, really. I can’t speak for you or Clint or Thor, but being a team just makes everyone look so happy. I want that for us. And it’s not a team without you.”

“It’s not a team without Tony.” She said, steadily meeting his eyes.

“But it’s more of a team if you’re there.” He insisted.

She looked away.

“Natasha?” He asked. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing.” She said.

“Tell me.” He insisted.

She glared at him, but opened up.

“I feel weak.” She said. “I still need to prove to myself that I’m not.”

“How could you be weak?” Steve asked. “You’re the strongest woman I know.”

“Not physical strength, Captain.” She said, almost amused. “I don’t care easily. You people wormed my way into my little black soul. I’ve lost a lot of people. I’ve never lost anyone I cared about before. It’s a helpless feeling, and I don’t like being helpless.”

“Oh.” He said. He was sort of honored that she would actually tell him this.

“I’d already be gone if it weren’t for that stupid video.” She said. “But between _it’s not your fault_ and _I’d like to think you’ll stay at the tower_ , I can’t leave.”

“I know.” He said. “Although I still haven’t come to terms with _it’s not your fault._ ”

She snorted. “Neither have I.”

“There isn’t a single person on this team who doesn’t blame themselves, is there?” He asked, realizing it for the first time.

She smiled sadly. “That’s just the kind of people we are, Captain.”

“Yeah.” He said. “I still like having you around, Natasha. I can’t force you to stay, but I like seeing Bruce smile again.”

“I’ll think about it.” Natasha said.

“You want to spar?” Steve offered. His combat skills, while not yet rusty, could use a bit of a dusting off.

She smiled at him. “Sounds great.”

*

It was a few months after the funeral.

They had taken to eating dinner together again. Clint and Bruce cooked most often, but they all took turns. After dinner was the movie.

They weren’t fixed, but they were stronger. They had unspoken permission to be happy again. Even Bruce smiled sometimes.

Bruce had come into his own as an engineer. He’d read books and papers, including a lot of Tony’s old notes. The two most impressive products of this new calling were Clint’s hoverboard and Natasha’s blaster.

_She sighed, staring at the screen. She always had the same reaction to this scene. Bruce had never understood before. It had been Tony to figure it out, that clever bastard. He had made up the notes and blueprints._

_Bruce quietly slipped the gun into Natasha’s lap._

_She looked down, startled. “What’s this?” She asked him._

_“Han Solo’s blaster.”Bruce said, smiling._

_“What, a replica?” She asked, turning it over with a frown._

_“Not a replica.” Bruce said. “It really works.”_

_She stared at him and paused the movie._

_“What?” She asked._

_“It’s a working blaster.” Bruce said, failing to hide his grin. “Stun or kill. 24 hour battery.”_

_She hugged him, squealing like a little girl._

They were eating pizza that night, because everyone had been too lazy to cook. Steve had almost finished his when the call came in.

Fury’s face appeared on the big screen, his face set in a scowl.

Clint gave a very undignified yelp. Natasha elbowed him in the ribs.

“Fury?” Steve asked, startled. He regained his composure. “What’s going on?”

“A portal’s opened up in Australia.” Fury said. “Nothing’s come out of it yet, but we want the Avengers to be there just in case.”

“Right.” Steve said, nodding. “Helicarrier?”

Fury nodded. “We’ll send the Quinjet to get you here and move the whole operation to the portal.”

“Aw, man.” Clint muttered. “We were going to start on Lord of the Rings tonight.”

“Shut up, you finally get to use your hoverboard.” Natasha hissed at him. “We can watch Lord of the Rings tomorrow.”

He perked right up. “Oh, yeah! Awesome. Let’s go to Australia!”

So they went to Australia.

 

 


End file.
